To shorten a sentence safely, list the conditions first, then cut everything else. Decoration can go. The words that say when, for whom or only if must stay in some form.
This is the last skill in sentence building and paraphrase, and it uses word families to turn clauses into compact noun phrases.
What can you cut and what must stay?
Sort the parts of a long sentence into two lists before you touch it.
| Usually safe to cut | Must stay in some form |
|---|---|
| very, really, extremely | only if, unless, provided that |
| repeated ideas | who the rule applies to |
| extra description of a known thing | a time limit or a number |
| filler such as in order to, it is a fact that | the main action and its object |
There are four shortening moves: delete a filler, turn a clause into a phrase, replace a phrase with one word, and merge two sentences that share a subject. Condition words can change shape but not disappear. Unless another student reserves it can become unless reserved.
Worked example
Shorten this sentence:
Students may use the library laptops only after they have signed the register, and only until five o’clock in the afternoon.
Step 1, list the conditions. Who: students. Condition one: they must have signed the register. Condition two: only until five o’clock. Action: use the laptops.
Step 2, cut extras. Library laptops can stay, in the afternoon is not needed after five o’clock, and they have signed can become signing.
Step 3, rebuild. Students may use library laptops after signing the register, until five o’clock.
Step 4, check conditions. Sign first: yes. End at five: yes. Who: students. Nothing essential was removed.
The new version is much shorter. It is also clearer because both conditions are visible.
The mistake to watch for
Mistaken answer: You may keep the library book for three weeks unless another student reserves it. → You may keep the book for three weeks.
The shorter sentence drops unless. It promises three weeks in every case.
Correct it by keeping the condition in a compact form: You may keep the book for three weeks unless it is reserved. The test is simple. Read the short version and ask: is there any situation where the original says no but mine says yes? If so, a condition was lost.
Check yourself
1. Shorten: The new sports hall, which was built last year and which is very large, will open on Monday if it passes the inspection.
Show answer
The sports hall will open on Monday if it passes inspection. The description (built last year, very large) can go. The condition if it passes inspection must stay.
2. Which shortened version loses a condition? The original: Children may swim free only when an adult is with them. (a) Children swim free only with an adult. (b) Children may swim free.
Show answer
(b). It removes only when an adult is with them, so it suggests children may swim free alone. Version (a) keeps the condition in fewer words.
3. Shorten but keep all conditions: Refunds are given only if the customer brings the receipt, and only if the request is made within fourteen days.
Show answer
Refunds need the receipt and a request within fourteen days. Both conditions are kept, and only if is expressed through need. Another good answer is Refunds are given only with the receipt and within fourteen days.
Where this leads next
You have now covered all five skills in this module. Test them together in the mixed sentence practice set, and use the writing revision compare view to check your cuts against the original. Go back to combining short sentences if a cut left a run-on.
Learners who write in a second language sometimes cut too little from fear of losing meaning, or too much under time pressure. A teacher can watch how you edit, and you can read more about this in our online one-to-one English as a Second Language tuition.