An email omits its main purpose when it is full of greetings, background and pleasant remarks but never says what the writer wants or needs. To revise it, state the purpose in the first or second sentence and then arrange everything else to support it.
This lesson brings together covering the points, tone, reasons and time expressions. It closes the email communication module.
How does a purpose go missing?
Students often write an email the way they would start a chat: greeting, news, a little background, more news. The real request arrives late, or it is only implied. A reader who has a full inbox may not reach it, and a reader in an exam has to guess what the student was asked to do.
The purpose can also vanish when a student writes about the topic of the task rather than its goal. The task says “ask for information about a course” and the draft describes why the student loves languages.
How to revise, step by step
- Name the purpose. Complete: “I want the reader to…”
- Find it in your draft. Highlight the sentence where it appears. If you cannot find one, it is missing.
- Move it to the start. Place it in the first or second sentence, right after the greeting.
- Support it. Keep only the background that helps the reader act: reasons, times, details.
- Cut the rest. Remove greetings that add nothing, and story that does not serve the purpose.
- Close with the action. Say what should happen next and, if possible, by when.
Worked example
Task written for this page: “You want to join an after-school drama club. Write an email to the club teacher, Ms Devi. Ask how to join, say why you want to join and say when you can attend.”
The draft:
Dear Ms Devi,
I hope you are having a good week. School has been very busy lately with exams and sports. I watched the school play last term and I thought it was wonderful. The costumes were very colourful and the actors spoke clearly. I also watched a play at the theatre last year with my family.
Yours sincerely, Sanjay
Step 1, name the purpose: I want Ms Devi to tell me how to join the club.
Step 2, find it: nowhere. The draft never asks, never says when he can attend, and gives no real reason beyond praise.
Step 3 and 4, move and support: ask first, then give reasons and times.
Step 5, cut: the busy week, the costumes and the family theatre trip.
Step 6, close with the action.
The revised email:
Dear Ms Devi,
I am writing to ask how I can join the after-school drama club. I want to join because I enjoyed the school play last term and I would like to learn how actors prepare for the stage. I can attend on Tuesdays and Thursdays after school, and I am free on Saturday mornings if there are extra rehearsals.
Could you please tell me whether I need to audition and when the next meeting is?
Yours sincerely, Sanjay
The purpose is in the first sentence, each task point has a detail, and the ending asks for a clear next step.
The mistake to watch for
A common slip is to “revise” by fixing grammar and leaving the structure alone.
Mistaken revision: The student corrects three spelling errors in the original draft and adds a nicer greeting. The email is still about the school play, and still does not ask how to join.
Correct grammar does not repair a missing purpose. The correction is to revise in two passes: first purpose and content, then language.
Check yourself
1. Underline the main purpose in this opening, or say it is missing: “Dear Mr Lee, I hope you are well. Our class went to the zoo last week and the tigers were amazing. I would like to ask if we can have another trip next term.”
Show answer
The purpose is “I would like to ask if we can have another trip next term”. It appears in the third sentence, so it should be moved to the first or second sentence.
2. Complete the sentence for this task: “Write to a hotel to ask whether a room is free for two nights.” I want the reader to…
Show answer
“…tell me whether a room is free for two nights, and what the price is.” The email should state this in the first sentence.
3. Which sentence should be cut from a request email? (a) “Could you send me the timetable?” (b) “My brother also likes football.”
Show answer
(b). It does not help the reader act on the request.
Where this leads next
Now put all five skills to work in the email communication practice set. After that, continue through the subject in our English as a Second Language learning guide. The writing revision compare view lets you compare your first draft and your revised draft side by side.
Revision is easier when someone else tells you what they think your email wants. That outside reader is what our online one-to-one English as a Second Language tuition offers.