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英语(第一语言) · 练习

描写文写作:原创综合练习与解析

你已经读完了各课,现在想知道没有人提醒时,哪些习惯还守得住。

这组练习涵盖描写文(descriptive writing)的五项技能:重点、空间顺序、感官细节、意象,以及把描写和故事分开。题目都是原创的,由易到难排列。因为考试用英文作答,题目和答案保留英文,解释用中文。

先写下你自己的答案,哪怕只有一句。然后打开范例对照。范例只是示范,不是唯一正确答案,请依题目的标准来评判自己的答案。

题目

Q1.(重点,较易) Choose a focus word for “a hospital waiting room at midnight” and give three details that fit it.

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重点:suspended(等待仿佛在时间之外)。细节:the wall clock with a second hand that seems to stall; a vending machine humming to nobody; a paper cup of coffee gone cold on a chair arm。三者都指向停滞、等待的感觉。其他重点词(anxious、hushed)只要细节相符也可以。

Q2.(重点) The focus is “neglected”, describing a playground. Cut the detail that does not fit: peeling paint, a freshly mown lawn, a rusted swing, weeds pushing through the tiles.

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删掉 a freshly mown lawn。它暗示有人打理。其余三个都显示被忽视:油漆剥落、铁器生锈、杂草长满。

Q3.(空间顺序) Put in order for a hallway described from the front door: (A) At the far end, a door stood ajar. (B) The front door opened onto a hall lined with coats. (C) Halfway along, stairs climbed into darkness. (D) Shoes sat in pairs beneath the coats.

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B、D、C、A。 这是由近到远的路线:入口、入口附近的东西、中段,然后是尽头。

Q4.(空间顺序) Name the problem and suggest a route: “The hall ceiling was lined with fans. The floor was scuffed near the entrance. Above the stage hung a banner. By the door a mat was curled at the corner.”

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描写在高处和低处之间来回跳,最后又回到门口。更好的路线是由入口到舞台:门口卷起的地垫、磨花的地板、头顶的风扇,最后是舞台上方的横幅。

Q5.(感官细节) Rewrite in one sentence with sound leading and no filter words: “I saw the dark sky. I heard the wind. I smelled the sea. I felt the cold.”

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示例:“The wind dragged at the loose shutters, and the smell of the sea came with it, salt and cold, under a darkening sky.” 声音为主,气味辅助,“I saw/heard/smelled” 都没有了。

Q6.(感官细节) Identify the lead sense and one supporting sense: “The kitchen hummed with the fridge’s dull drone. Flour dusted the counter, and when Mum lifted the lid, cinnamon rose in a warm cloud.”

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主导感官:嗅觉(肉桂带出温暖的氛围)。辅助:听觉(嗡嗡声)和少量视觉(面粉)。没有一种是用 “I smelled” 或 “I heard” 宣布的。

Q7.(意象) Rank these for a focus of “stifling heat” and explain: (a) “The afternoon sat on us like a wet towel.” (b) “The heat was as hot as fire.” (c) “The sun was a diamond in a velvet sky.”

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由好到差:(a)、(b)、(c)。(a) 具体,且符合重点。(b) 是陈腐的比喻,只重复了 “hot”。(c) 漂亮,却指向美丽,与闷热的压迫感相反。如果你论证 (b) 什么也没增加,(a)、(c)、(b) 的排序也说得通。

Q8.(意象) Fix the mixed image: “The crowd was a river of ants that exploded onto the field.”

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只保留一幅画面:“The crowd poured onto the field like water through a broken gate.” 毛病在于把河流、蚂蚁和爆炸塞进了同一个句子。

Q9.(描写与故事) Rewrite as description, in two or three sentences: “I walked to the beach. Then I sat down. Then a wave came. Then I went home.”

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示例:“At dusk the beach emptied slowly. The sand held the day’s warmth a little longer than the air did, and each wave came in lower and quieter, leaving a thin line of foam that faded before the next arrived.” 一个瞬间,没有 “then”,视线在场景中移动。

Q10.(描写与故事) Is this description or an undeveloped story? Give two reasons. “Mr Lim locked the shop, counted the day’s takings and left.”

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这是未展开的故事。理由:三个动作依时间先后发生;我们对这家店的样子、声音或氛围一无所知。

Q11.(综合,较难) Plan a description of “a beach hut that was once busy and is now empty”. Give a focus, a route, a lead sense and one precise image.

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示例计划。重点: 被遗弃,却留有过去喧闹的痕迹。路线: 由外到内(倾斜的门,然后是地板,再到后面的架子)。主导感官: 触觉和声音,通过堆积的沙和松动的百叶窗拍打声来表现。意象: “the counter still wore a ring where a hundred cups had stood, like the faint mark left by a watch.” 它是单一的画面,与重点明显相符,平实的细节承担了一半的工作。

如果你答错了

出了什么问题去看
Q1、Q2:细节不符,或重点词含糊确定一致的描写重点
Q3、Q4:细节跳来跳去按空间顺序组织场景
Q5、Q6:感官清单或 “I heard” 短语变化感官细节,而不是罗列感官
Q7、Q8:装饰性或混合的意象精确地运用意象,而不是装饰
Q9、Q10:滑向事件区分描写与未展开的故事

Q11 用到全部五项技能。如果觉得难,回到模块总览,按顺序重新学习各课。

如何持续进步

在错题记录与重测队列中,按习惯而不是题号记录每个错误。然后就一个新主题写一个新段落,用修改对照工具比较第一稿和第二稿。

当题目点明了读者或描写的目的时,读者与目的规划工具会有帮助。如果你希望有人陪你读文章并指出具体的失误,我们的老师可以在一对一线上 English First Language 补习中做到。

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