意象是精确的,当它与你的重点相符,对这个场景说出确切的东西,并且保持为一幅清晰的画面。如果一个意象删掉也毫无损失,它就只是装饰。
这一课属于描写文(descriptive writing),承接确定描写重点。比喻的用词是否准确,也和词汇与精确用词有关。
精确的意象有什么作用?
精确的意象带有信息。“The fan turned slowly” 告诉我们速度。“The fan turned like a patient teacher waiting for an answer” 还多了一层氛围:缓慢、期待、有点在观察。
装饰性的意象只增加光彩,没有信息。“The sun was a blazing golden orb” 只是说太阳又亮又金黄,这些读者早就知道。
如何检验一个意象
- 匹配: 它是否与你的重点朝同一个方向?
- 具体: 它是否说出了平实用词无法表达的东西?
- 单一: 它是否是一幅画面,写完才开始下一幅?
- 够新鲜: 读者是否已经见过同样的比喻成百上千次?
只要有一项不通过,就重写,或者回到平实而准确的描写。
例题
题目: Describe a classroom before an exam。重点: 紧绷、屏住呼吸般的安静(tense, held-breath quiet)。
平实句子: The classroom was very quiet.
候选意象:
- “as quiet as a graveyard”:不够新鲜,而且坟场带来的是另一种氛围。
- “quiet as a held breath”:匹配重点且单一,但有点常见。
- “The quiet had the stretched feel of a rubber band pulled back and not yet released.”
选择: 橡皮筋。它符合紧张感,是一幅清晰的画面,还暗示接下来可能发生什么。
最终句子: “Nobody spoke, and the quiet had the stretched feel of a rubber band pulled back and not yet released.” 平实的细节(“nobody spoke”)和意象各自做不同的工作。
要留意的错误
常见的错误是堆叠装饰性或混合的意象。
错误的草稿: The sun was a golden orb of fire, shining like a million diamonds in a velvet sky, and the heat was a blanket that sliced through us.
这里有四幅画面(球、钻石、天鹅绒、毯子),一个陈词滥调,还有一张会切割的毯子。没有一个能让读者感受到炎热。
改正: 选定重点(闷热得令人窒息),只用一个意象。“By three o’clock the heat had pressed the village flat, and even the dogs lay in the road like dropped laundry.” 一幅画面,效果具体,狗这个平实的细节承担了一半工作。
自我检测
1. 重点是 “stifling heat”,哪个意象最合适:(a) “The afternoon sat on us like a wet towel.” (b) “The heat was as hot as fire.” (c) “The sun was a diamond in a velvet sky.”
查看答案
(a)。 它具体(重量和潮湿),是一幅画面,并且符合重点。(b) 只是重复 hot,(c) 很漂亮,却指向美丽而不是压迫。
2. 修改这个混合意象:“The crowd was a river of ants that exploded onto the field.”
查看答案
只保留一幅画面。示例:“The crowd poured onto the field like water through a broken gate.” 或者只用蚂蚁:“The crowd swarmed onto the field, a dark trickle of ants that widened as it went.” 无论哪种,都要先把一个意象写完,再开始下一个。
3. 决定保留还是删除:“Her smile was as bright as the sun.” 重点:一间令人焦虑的候诊室。
查看答案
删掉。 这是陈腐的比喻,而且把氛围拉向欢快。更好的做法是用符合焦虑的平实细节,例如 “Her smile came and went, a light switched on and off by the door opening.”
接下来学什么
意象精确之后,本模块最后一课要问你是否仍在描写:区分描写与未展开的故事。用修改对照工具看看改写过的意象是否让段落更清晰。
如果你能看出别人作品里的弱意象,却看不出自己的,我们的老师可以在一对一线上 English First Language 补习中和你一起检验。